


Richie Tozier Does the Wired Autocomplete Interview

by ReddieOrNot (cajungirlkye)



Series: ReddieOrNot's Fix-It-Palooza [5]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Established Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, M/M, Rated T for Trashmouth, Stanley Uris Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21834097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cajungirlkye/pseuds/ReddieOrNot
Summary: Richie does the Wired Autocomplete Interview. Little does he know, there's a surprise waiting for him at the end.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: ReddieOrNot's Fix-It-Palooza [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1517150
Comments: 11
Kudos: 402





	Richie Tozier Does the Wired Autocomplete Interview

Richie took a sip of his coffee before setting his take-out cup down next to his chair. "Okay, let's do this."

He waited for his cue then looked at the camera. "Hi, I'm Richie Tozier and I'm here to do the Wired Autocomplete Interview."

He paused and picked up the first poster board. "Is Richie Tozier…" he read out loud, then pulled off the first strip covering the rest of the question. "Gay?

"Yep," he answered, popping the 'p' with a grin. "I'm strictly dickly, and only interested in one guy's dick in particular these days. Next question!"

He pulled off the next strip. "Is Richie Tozier an actor?" He shrugged. "Well sure, if you count all those years I acted like I was straight. Otherwise, no, I've never been in a movie or on a TV show, unless you count hosting duties on  _ SNL _ or talk show appearances. Moving on!"

Richie laughed at the next question. "Is Richie Tozier on drugs? One would think, huh, especially after my public breakdown on stage a few years ago. No, contrary to popular belief the only drugs I've ever been on are the ones that have been legally prescribed to keep me as a mostly-functional human being.

"Ok, next. Is Richie Tozier friends with William Denbrough?" He smiled. "Ahh, Billy Boy. Big Bill. Billiam. Yes, Bill and I were friends when we were growing up together in a little backwards-as-fuck town in Maine. We lost touch for a long time but reconnected a few years ago along with the rest of our group of friends and all hang out as much as we can.

"Last question on this card. Is Richie Tozier funny? Depends on who you ask. My friends would probably say no but the Emmy award sitting on my mantel would disagree with them."

Richie tossed the poster to the side. "NEXT!" 

He picked up the next poster. "Does Richie Tozier…" He pulled off the first strip. "...Live in California? Yes, my home base is in L.A., but I currently split my time between L.A. and New York.

"Next question… Does Richie Tozier have any pets? Sadly, no, not at the moment. It's too difficult with my travel schedule to have a pet right now.

"Does Richie Tozier write his own jokes?" Richie winced. "I didn't for a long time, as made obvious by all the past jokes about the fake girlfriend that I most definitely did not have, but I have been for a few years now and they mostly seem to be going over well.

"Does Richie Tozier have a wife? Again, gay as fuck, so no.

"And the last question for this one… Does Richie Tozier wear contacts? I have them, but I never wear them. Contacts make my eyes itchy. Besides, my glasses have been part of my signature look for so long that they're basically part of my brand."

Richie tossed that poster aside and picked up the next one. "Moving right along! How did Richie Tozier get the nickname 'Trashmouth'?" Richie chuckled. "It was a childhood nickname that stuck. I was always making jokes and talking trash as a kid, so one day my friend Stan apparently had had enough and told me to shut my trash mouth, and it stuck. Actually the other day Stan called me 'dumpster fire', so the old nickname might be changing.

"How old is Richie Tozier? Let's just say I'm a Gen X'er and leave it at that.

"How did Richie Tozier become a comedian?" Richie looked directly at the camera. "Through a little luck and a lot of hard work.

"How did Richie Tozier win an Emmy? Honestly I have no idea. See above answer, I guess."

He set the poster down. "Is that it? Oh no, wait, there's one more set of questions."

Unlike the previous posters that had the beginning of the question revealed, the last poster had the entirety of each question hidden. 

Richie pulled off the first strip before reading the question. "Is Richie Tozier in a relationship?" Richie put a hand over his heart. "The answer to this, and I honestly cannot be more happy to say this, is yes. My boyfriend Eddie and I have been together for two glorious years.

"How did Richie Tozier meet his boyfriend?" Richie grinned. "I'm sensing a pattern here. He was part of the friend group that I mentioned earlier, but my feelings for Eds were always different than my feelings for the rest of my friends, as in I loved to piss him off extra just to get him to touch me. While we were all back together in our hometown a few years ago Eddie was in a serious accident and almost died, and I was so relieved when he woke up in the hospital that I cried like a little bitch and confessed my love for him. Luckily for me, he reciprocated, and the rest, as they say, is history.

"Does Richie Tozier love his boyfriend?" Richie snorted. "People must see our Twitter exchanges. Don't worry, we don't actually hate each other -- roasting each other is basically foreplay for us. Eds gives as good as he gets -- in more ways than one, if you know what I mean. So to answer the question, yes, I love my boyfriend more and more every single fucking day. He's a tiny little ball of rage and I wouldn't trade him for anything."

Richie adjusted his glasses. "Okay, last question." He pulled off the final strip. "Will you marry me?" He blinked. "Wait, what the fuck?" 

He looked at the question again just to make sure he read it correctly, then looked around in confusion until he saw Eddie joining him. He turned to face Eddie instead of the camera. "Eds, what the  _ fuck _ ? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Bumfuck, Ohio on a business trip."

"You didn't answer the last question, Rich," Eddie replied.

"What the fuck do you mean, I didn't answer the last-- HOLY FUCKING SHIT."

Eddie had gotten down on one knee, pulling a platinum band out of his pocket and holding it up. "Marry me, Richie."

Richie blinked, willing his brain to form a coherent thought. "Yes."  _ That sounds right. _

Eddie grinned. "Yes?"

"Yes, yes, fucking  _ yes _ ." Richie started to tear up.

Eddie stood and slid the ring onto Richie's finger before pulling him into a kiss. "I love you."

Richie sniffled and wrapped his arms around Eddie, realizing that Eddie had planned this out. "Oh my God, you clever, clever asshole. I love you so much," he murmured into Eddie's neck.

"Wanna wrap this up and go celebrate back at the hotel?"

Richie nodded and turned back towards the camera. "Once again, I'm Richie Tozier and this gorgeous specimen is my fiancé. Look for my new special,  _ My Boyfriend is Hotter than Yours,  _ premiering April 12th only on Netflix."

**Author's Note:**

> ... Apparently I'm literally incapable of not getting these two assholes engaged at the end of my fics. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
